6 years ago, I sent this email to my female friends and family members! (Which means that if you are a man, brace yourself!!)

A week ago . . . (July 12)

My due date was August 8th. I’ve been having some preterm labor stuff, so the doctors had been telling us that Grant might come early. I started to count on that, but then we thought, “What if he comes late?” We didn’t want to set ourselves up for disappointment, so when Mitch told me to pack the bag I just made a list. Why pack when we have 4 weeks left?

We went out to dinner with some friends on Friday night and I was having my very usual contractions and back pain. No big deal when you are used to living with the irritation and pain. We went home and went to bed. I didn’t really notice anything out of the ordinary. At about 4:00am I couldn’t sleep anymore since my back was hurting, so I went downstairs to try to sleep on the couch. Again, this is not unusual. At 6:15, I felt a little gush of liquid, so I jumped up off the couch (yeah, I really did!) and grabbed the blanket I was using to stop the flow. I was shaking when I yelled up the stairs, “Mitch, my water broke!” I don’t know what he said after that, but I remember yelling it again and running to the downstairs bathroom. We had a pretty frantic hour and a half as I walked around the house with a kitchen towel stuffed between my legs (I saturated 3 before we left for the hospital) and CLEANED the house. After all, I wasn’t about to bring my son home to a messy house! Mitch packed the bags (using my handy list!), cleaned the bathroom and generally picked up while I did the dishes and who knows what else. I can’t remember much except that Mitch said, “WHAT are you DOING? Are you doing the dishes???”

We arrived at the hospital at about 8:30 and soon we were in our very nice birthing suite (St. Vincent’s). We figured that this would go pretty fast because my mom was in labor with Jen for 3 hours and me for 45 minutes. Of course, Jen’s labors were always long, so why I was listening to my mom, I don’t know. (No disrespect Mom!)

Things were going a bit slow and I was staying at 3 cm for a VERY long time. I was having my contractions pretty inconsistently. Yeah girls, it hurts!! They were 3 minutes apart for a very long time, then they would go to 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, etc. They kept saying the P-word (Pitocin) and I was not having that. Finally, at about 5:00 they said that we really needed to go that route. I said that if they were going to give me the Pitocin then I was going to have an Epidural first. They started the fluids, then the Epidural. I was a bit of a basket-case just before the Epidural went in. I got a little scared and started to sob. Let’s just blame it on the hormones and leave it at that. The Epidural didn’t hurt when it went in, it just scared me. After that I was in heaven! They started the Pitocin as soon as I was numb and I went from 3 to 10 cm in no time at all.
Soon it was time to push!

(And then he was born. Sorry, had to edit this part.)

He reached out to touch my face and as soon as he was covered up he settled down and was the world’s most adorable baby.

I had the most wonderful birth experience in the world. It was so great that I would even say that I would do it again tomorrow. I am healing very well. I feel pretty close to normal these days and I have been been losing 2 pounds each day! My baby is perfect. He is absolutely gorgeous. Check out the attached pictures and you will agree! We have been having a very emotional week trying to breastfeed, but I think we have it all down now. Since Grant came at 36 weeks he is considered a preemie. I think this is pretty strange considering that he weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces when he was born. He is 19 3/4 in. long and he earned nines on his Apgar scores. No, my due date could not have been off since I was on the pill and stopped for one month then got pregnant. People keep saying that the doctors must have made a mistake, but I’m telling you that I know EXACTLY when my last period was! So, my big boy is a preemie which explains why he has troubling feeding (according to the doctors and nurses). He doesn’t have a good sucker and his jaw gets very tired so it usually take about an hour and fifteen minutes to feed him. I think this will get better soon, though.

Mitch has been home with me all week but he goes back to work on Monday. I have been practicing doing things without his help so that I will have an easier transition when he is gone. Mitch has done so much work around here that I am wondering how I’m going to manage. Rob and his wife Rachel were the first of my family members (besides my grandparents who live in Newberg) to see Grant. They arrived on Wednesday and are here on vacation from their Peace Corp lives in Romania. They have really helped me to prepare for normal, daily life. My mom, dad and my three youngest sisters are arriving on Monday night to check out Grant Daniel. Jen and her newest (3 months), Livi, are arriving on Friday and everyone is heading back home on Sunday and Monday. I’m excited for my family to see our son!

So, that is my surprise! Grant Daniel Ratzlaff was born on Saturday, July 12. He weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces and is 19 3/4 inches long. He has brown hair (for now) and blond eyelashes (if you can call them eyelashes). He has a round little head and big hands and feet. Every time I look at him I am overjoyed. He is wonderful!

About a week after I sent that email out to my friends and family, we had a terrible scare. Grant’s first two newborn screening test blood levels came back abnormal for a very serious congenital disease. I’ll be honest and tell you that until I was faced with losing my brand new baby, I hadn’t yet had that “I’d die for my child” feeling. The first few weeks (okay, months) were very tough, and I was an emotional mess. In an instant, God changed my heart and showed me what it was like to feel such undeniable, overwhelming, all-consuming love for someone so tiny that I would not hesitate to lay down my life for him.

And it was in that moment that I think I finally realized how much God loves me. God sent his one and only son to DIE for me and you. His son. His baby boy. The thought is as overwhelming right now as it was for me that day as I sat in the waiting room at the lab where they would prick my son’s heal for the third time to further investigate his blood. It was heart-wrenching to hold my baby as the nurse squeezed his little foot and poked it with a needle, knowing that the cries were helping his blood flow, and yet wanting to hold him close and soothe away the pain. And yet, God the Father had to endure much more as he watched his innocent Son fulfill prophecy and His Purpose as He took on the sins of the world. God’s sacrifice of His Son broke down the barriers that my sin had built between us. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, I have access to God. I can speak to God and he will hear my voice, my heart. I am his daughter, his princess.

The waiting and not knowing went on for a week, and in that time God taught me that I have no strength on my own. I was weak and tired and emotionally drained and couldn’t think. My husband, my rock, could not do anything to fix this situation and make our son better. I couldn’t do anything for him. I didn’t want to talk to friends or family. I wanted to cry in private, I wanted to be angry and I wanted to hurt. But, I had a little boy to take care of, and he needed me to be strong for him. I couldn’t do it on my own, so I asked God to intervene and give me hope. Over and over, I asked God to take away my fear and sorrow. Little by little, God gave me His strength. By the end of the long week of waiting, I was confident and full of hope and strength. I knew that God could heal my little boy, BUT IF HE DIDN’T, God would give us the strength to face life day by day.

As I sat in the doctor’s office waiting to hear the news, I was filled once again with an overwhelming love for my child. An amazing love that renews itself every morning after a rough night. A love that makes my heart soar at just a glance at my child. And, I was filled with a confidence and sense of peace. I knew that everything was going to be okay. So, when the doctor told me that this third test came back normal, I wasn’t surprised. I think I was the only one who was not surprised. I was happy, I was thankful . . . and I was a little bit cocky. Yeah, MY God did that. He can do anything.

So, now six years later, God is still teaching me lessons as a result of that one scary week. It was hard. It was horrible. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The experience has molded me into the person that I am today. I am thankful that God allowed me to walk through that fire. I am thankful that He is with me as I walk through every “fire” in my life. And, I am confident that I don’t smell like smoke.

We are celebrating Grant’s birthday next weekend when we are back from our trip. I’ll be sure to post some pictures and make my blog post more about HIM at that time!!